I respond to Missed Connections on Craigslist. Sometimes people hate me, sometimes I am sorry.

Monday

I don't get it DF - m4w - 25 (Hollywood/the valley)

Missed Connection:
We were friends and it was amazIng...then I fell for you. It first happened in Boston but it moved west and we confronted it here. You were separated from him for a minute, and I should have seized the moment. I did not. You said you would have been okay with it, what a
cruel thing to say to a man who is head over heels for
you when he no longer has a chance. After that we
didn't talk for a while at your request; I was okay with that. I grew to accept it more as the days went by and then you texted me on my birthday. The very next night you asked to meet you with some girl friends of yours.I am so confused. Why do you play around with me?

I wrote a song about this

My Response:

I wrote an album, novel, AND comic strip about how confusing we are to each other. I've also turned it into a 3 hour epic film. Don't tell ME I don't LOVE you.

His Response:
Did I say that you didn't? And an epic 3 hour film really? Kudos

My Response:
Well it's three hours if you add the slow motion photo presentations of all our vacations to Santa Barbara.

LETTER TO LINDSAY LOHAN - m4w - 23 (BEVERLY HILLS)

Missed Connection:
LINDSAY, I THINK YOU ARE A VERRY GORGIOUS PERSON INSIDE AND OUT. SURE YOU GOT ISSUES AND DRAMA BUT I FIND MY SELF FALLING FOR YOU. YOU CAN TRY AND PUSH ME AWAY BUT IM NOT GOING ANYWHERE SO WHEN YOUR READY TO HAVE ANYTYPE OF A RELATIONSHIP. YOU KNOW HOW TO REACH ME. I WOULDENT STAY IN TOUCH IF I DIDNT THINK YOU WERE WORTH MY TIME. YOUR MY 24/7 PIECE OF HEAVEN.. I CAN LEARN TO LOVE YOUR FAULTS IF YOU CAN DO THE SAME WITH ME. ALL MY LOVE AND MORE.
JOSHUA PERRY

My Response:
I don't trust people that like me.

His Response:
maybe you should get over some of those trust issues if this in fact really is you. not everyones out to get you.

My Response:

Let's talk about paparazzi.

His Response:

who the fuck cares about paparatzi.lol there only good if ya need more publicity lol

My Response:
The paparazzi have RUINED my life. Then again, I just posted a nude photo of myself on Twitter...so...

I SAW YOU.. - m4w - 21 (snoewhereonearth)

Missed Connection:
in my dreams you were more real then anything ive ever seen i felt like a touch from you put me to sleep for eternity in bliss
...but this is the real world here an it can never be....thats why i hate mainstream rapp music..

My Response:
You say I am just in your dreams, but your dreams can become realities. You say you hate "mainstream rapp music," but mainstream rap music is all about being real. Missy Elliot said in an Adidas ad: "Staying true is all you gotta do." So seriously dawg, stay true.

About Me

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Writer. Published in Harper Perrenial's Six Word Memoirs on Love and Heartbreak, It All Changed in an Instant, as well as the front page of Smith's online magazine for more than 200 six word stories. Video art exhibited in Miranda July and Harrel Fletcher's "Learning to Love You More" gallery as well as the Baltic Contemporary Art Museum. Alessandra currently tells jokes all around Los Angeles and produces Heeb Magazine's monthly storytelling show in LA.